I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I came so hard my ears popped.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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