I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
