Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize