You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
