i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!