i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
