BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
