Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
