Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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