I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
