So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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