after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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