I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
