From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
