I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize