yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
