Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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