The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize