Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
