Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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