I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
