so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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