just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
