You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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