The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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