pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont even know how to be here
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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