summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it because I queefed?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
