now i know why i became what i already was.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
