she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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