respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
