Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
