Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
