i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
