Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
