Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
