My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
