But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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