This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
