i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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