I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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