dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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