dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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