Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
