Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Houston, we have a blender
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
