you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
