I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
