Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
