took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
