I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
