I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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