Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
