so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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