I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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