I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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