What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
