We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
