in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
