Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize