yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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