Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
