I am puke
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
