So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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