Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
