My liver just broke up with me...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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