My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
