I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize