just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
