i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
