two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize