Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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